The Black Woman's Quandary

Why Indulgence and Intelligence Belong Together

By The Self Care Snob ®

Indulgence vs Excess

For far too long, women (especially Black women) have been forced to choose between being pleasure-centered and being respected. Between softness and strength. Between being seen as brilliant or beautiful, capable or cared for. As a Self Care Snob®, I’ve rejected that binary and I invite other women to do the same.

Here, we build systems, rituals, and offerings that honour the fullness of who you are. We deserve all that we desire.

The Art of Intentional Self-Care

Indulgence is often misunderstood as over-giving or overdoing almost synonymous with excessive. That dead-end perspective leaves no space for depth, discernment, or devotion to self.

Indulgence isn’t frivolous, it’s focused. It’s about choosing pleasure with discernment, not in excess. Think silk robes because your skin craves softness. Long baths because your nervous system needs quiet. Boundaries because burnout is not your legacy.

The world taught us that worth lives only in the grind. That burnout is a badge. But indulgence says otherwise. It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessary recalibration. A conscious return to your body, your rhythm, your essential need for truth. Unlike excess, it’s not about numbing out it’s about tuning in.

Not doing the most, but doing what’s most aligned with your senses, your spirit, and your inner compass..

Why Knowing the Difference Makes a Difference

Because full-spectrum womanhood doesn’t live in either/or.

Indulgence becomes excess when it’s rooted in disconnection.

But when it’s intentional, it’s nourishment.

You get to be both the oracle and the architect.

You get to burn sage and set goals—without burning yourself out.

You get to build your dream while steeping your tea.

Indulgence and intelligence are not opposites. They’re sisters. 

Together, they create a life that can feel luxurious, lived-in, and deeply aligned.

Welcome to the intersection. You belong here.